aDrenais' Book of Shadows

God I'm slow; I read this for the first time today, 2 years after the speech was made. This is such a lovely speech, must post for posterity. Credits to whoever transcribed it.
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Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony.

This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.
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I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

So poetic I can cry. So much strength, control and flexibility. Never gonna get there :(

200th post, and almost 2 months since the last. Frivolous things, then.

Sephora is not good for me. I busted $150 buying makeup that I will probably never get around to using, only to meet up the following week with a friend whose wife is a makeup artist with Sephora, 20% off all items in shop. Also, met up with friend who was aghasted that I spent $23.50 on OPI stocked in multi-label stores like Sephora, when a friend has a blogshop selling OPI at $10.90. Crap.

BB and I have settled into a strange routine. At midnight on Mondays to Fridays, we will watch 宫心计 while doing mad stretches on the floor, trying to achieve centre splits. SS's not the least interested in attaining a split of any sort, and in any case she needs to wake too early in the morning to watch the midnight slot. So it's just us, bonding over intricate plots in the palace and agonizing pain in the hamstring.

I had my first big fight with a good friend in recent history. I don't normally quarrel with friends, why antagonise friends when there's the boyfriend to get mad at? It was over a trival matter: the selling of Jay tickets. She wanted to make a profit by fleecing the seller, I felt that her desire to was upsetting. Of all my friends, I thought that her values and attitude towards life in general matched mine most closely, and I have always enjoyed her company immensely. That's probably why I reacted so violently when her view diverged from mine. We didn't talk for abit, but we did meet for dinner this week, and we swept the whole incident under the carpet and kind of pretend that it never happened. Awkward.

Jay's concert is tomorrow, and I know only 1 song from the new album. I think the Jaygasm has passed - I saw him at Bugis on Wednesday, and I wasn't remotely excited about being 50m away from Asian's hottest star. I was more excited buying my new phone, a pretty Xperia Mini Pro from Sony Ericsson, because it meant I could finally get rid of the Motorola Milestone I've been using for the past 3 months. Now, to figure out how to open the bloody cover so that I can insert my SIM card.

Did you think I was going to turn into one of those smug oh-I'm-getting-married-no-time-to-blog-but-do-check-out-my-wedding-website-love bridzillas? You're damn right I am! Except for the fact that I'm too busy for a wedding blog at the moment. I've been busy:

1. Helping out at the new pole studio http://www.bobbispolestudio.com.sg and getting a kick out of pretending I'm a professional pole dancer when handing out namecards.

2. Learning to be secretary to person servicing rich individuals. Totally overrated, thankfully pays well

3. Attending driving lessons now that I'm two weeks away from my first and only TP test

4. Adjusting to a new phone. It's more challenging than I could ever guess, especially since I've had my old phone for 4 years. Clever me thought I'd catch up with the times and buy myself a smart phone - turned out to be the worst mistake in my life. I'm quite simply put not smart enough for the damn Milestone, and who uses Motorola anyway? I still have no idea how to hide the keypad while in a call, so that everyone that calls me on my mobile is subjected to the occasional numberpad screech when I angle the phone the wrong way. I want my stupid phone back *bawls*

Oh god this took forever to type on the damn phone.

Happy...I can do happy. I dig happy. I am. Happy.

Happy thought 1: Chiangmai and Bangkok coming up in 3 weeks' time, whoopeedo. Hoping for the protestors to take a break over the Songkran festival and go splash some water (and not blood), going anyway because it's almost 2 years since I last saw my lovely Thai friend. First holiday with Tan in more than 2 years as well.

Happy thought 2: The countdown to Mayday's outdoor concert is officially in terms of days instead of months. 知足的快乐叫我忍受心痛

Happy thought 3: Transferring to a new department, with a change in job scope which will lead me to once again challenge myself in meaningful tasks. Although I'll have to postpone my AUH trip so that I can train with the new team on my own time :s Long story.

Happy thought 4: Bobbi's Pole Studio is opening in Singapore! Bobbi came to Singapore over last weekend to introduce the opening of the studio (slated for April), and all the pole girls were in a frenzy getting up close and personal to the pole dancing extraodinaire. If pole dancing means I can look like than when I'm over 40, hell I'm going to pole until my knees give way.

This week I watched 2 movies in the theatres, caught one on Channel 62 and heard about one from a most indignant SS.

The first was True Legend aka 苏乞儿, caught on Wednesday with Von and MT in Tampines. It was surprisingly good value for money, with fighting scenes for almost the entire 2 hours. We caught it because of Jay Chou obviously, and were waiting and waiting for 赵文卓's son to grow up into Jay Chou since none of us had any inkling of the plot and Jay seems to have thrived playing the sons of famous actors (Anthony Wong, Chow Yuen Fatt). Happily, Jay was cast as a super cool character, God of Wushu, which didn't require too great a range of emotions.

The second was supposed to be Percy and the Lightning Thief, but because I couldn't make it in time Wen and I caught Nine at The Cathay instead. During Tan's house party I recall somebody saying that it wasn't worth watching, but I thought it was excellent. The big-name actresses all put up commendable dance performances, and the one that made the deepest impression was undoubtedly Penelope Cruz's. Ideas for a pole choreo! Nicole Kidman's dress was beautiful, with a magnificent pleat at the ass to accentuate her slim waist and shapely bum. Can't find a picture of the back view, best view is of the side here.

The one on Channel 62 is this strange HK film called Trivial Matters, 破事兒. The best review I found online belongs to lovehkfilm.com, and it was most helpful in explaining the meaning of the film to me. Admittedly I gave the show a chance mainly because I saw Edison and Gillian listed both as leading characters, and was alittle disappointed to discover they appeared in separate segments of the film's 7 short stories. Still I'm glad I watched the super quirky film, and Edison's monologue about his Civism coincidentally is related to something I've wanted to blog about for ages. The lovehkfilm.com review states:

The shortest one involves Edison Chen and Stephanie Cheng, and seems to exist merely for its absurd gross-out factor.

In a nutshell, Edison's character is trying to chat a girl up at a bar. In his druken state, his idea of small talk is to brag that when he pees in public toilets, he makes a conscious effort to use his pee stream to wash away the excrement skid-marks left by previous users. This is his show of civic-mindedness, to toilet cleaners as well as to futures users. It is something that requires minimal effort on his part, yet shows consideration for fellow human beings. The girl is of course grossed out, and the segment ends quite abruptly.

(Something I found while googling skid-marks: A Facebook page for people who like to pee on skid-marks in the toilet :s I also found a fascinating German Poo-Shelf Toilet that I just had to share - it's a witty piece!)

In a related train of thoughts, I've always felt that it's only polite to clean after your own skid-marks in public/shared toilets. Paddy K has written an excellent piece on How to Use a Toilet, which is more suited for toilets in private residences, where a toilet brush is at hand to do away with incriminating evidence. What happens when you're in a public toilet, and no amount of flushing will wash away the skid-mark that you've just left behind? Clean up your own shit, people!! If the thought of reaching into the toilet bowl with a wad of toilet paper to wipe away your own skid-mark is gross, then why are you imposing this monstrosity on the poor toilet cleaner? Yes, he/she may have the equipment to deal with it more competently, but he/she has enough filth to deal with without having to deal with your shit too. Please consider!

Shit aside, SS told me that under no circumstance should I watch Hot Summer Days. It is apparently a crazy waste of time, and even the star-studded cast cannot save plot that is not going anywhere.

Looking forward to Percy and the Lightning Thief next.

The first 7 days in the year of the Tiger were spent in a most fruitful manner, hopefully this sets the pace for the rest of the year.

初一 Woke late because of late night TV, all thanks to SCV and the wondrous Smart TV function. I wasn't given much advance notice before Tan summoned me place to join him for a round of visiting. A small logistic hiccup involving his sister's old dress masquerading as my CNY outfit threw me into a hissy fit, but it was all good as she apparently didn't remember throwing the dress, or owning it at all. We visited 2 families, the second a stone throw from Josh's place. Josh met us for a quick chat, and like all the previous times we met they spent the entire time discussing the merits of Josh's current squeezes. Getting abit old there. After that Tan drove FF, BB and me to Holland Road, but not before Von came around to do her angpow run. This year, Tan actually stayed on to the end, and even sent my parents back instead of heading for Zouk shortly after dinner like in previous years. Sex sells.

初二 Managed to help out abit with lunch preparation before heading for Tan's 大舅's place as usual. The spread provided by his auntie was staggering in scale, sumptous to say the least. After that I made my way to Sengkang, and did a mini tour of Anchorvale Drive and Road and Way, Compassvale Walk and Drive and Way and what not on foot before finally caving in and taking the LRT to Rivervale Drive. SS and I were uber grumpy from lack of sleep, and had planned to leave early before the muah chee made its appearance. We were halfway to the door when accosted to dish out the muah chee, a role that we've undertaken for the last few years together with a cousin. By the time everybody had their muah chee, our moods were darker than the murky depths of hell, and we quickly left in a cab with FF. I went on to Tan's place to deliver muah chee, and say hi to his friends gathered at his place. God only knows how I lasted until half three, when I imperiously demanded to be sent home.

初三 Gathered an astonishing number of old classmates with catty SMS that went "Ok ppl CNY third day invitation at my place agn, pls rsvp. pls spare me the 'who's going' nonsense, at our age u want to come u come, dun wan nvm. Gong Xi Fa Call all" (Should have been all snarly long time ago, had I known everybody 吃硬不吃软) A great number of them replied to ask what time they should arrive, to which I replied "Whatever time I say, ppl will still come at any time they damn please, what's the point! any time after 10 ba" AList queen has the honour of proving my point perfectly, when she replied to the previous SMS "Why dun we fix in the afternoon? Say 130 or 2pm? Anyway i will be there ard tt time la..." !)@(*!#^!$! So, of course the first people who deigned to grace the occasion arrived at 1050hrs; everyone eventually turned up by noon. Note to self: Give Loo hell in future for living the closest but arriving the latest. I put up a crappy Big Spender routine for all the wusim kias who bothered to attend as promised ( Note to self: Give AList Queen hell in future for flying kite yet again), and everybody ooohed and aahhed at all the suitably impressive parts of the 2-min routine. We then adjourned to the kitchen for the lo hei that FF most kindly prepared on my behalf, since I was too lazy to wake up in the morning to do it myself. Love the Prawn clan.

初四 Got a chance to finally have abit of a lie-in, and woke at almost 11am to make an angpow run with Von to Ting's. Von came by to pick me up, and we arrived at the Yeos' alittle before noon. It was ultimate weirdness, because only Ahgong and Ahma were around when we arrived. We entertained ourselves by trying to make conversation in our broken Hokkien with Ahma, gorging on homemade pineapple tarts, and doing our best to get Xiaoxiong to give us the time of his day. Mr and Mrs Yeo came back with a carload of yummy food, and before we knew it scores of Ting's old neighbours from the Bedok flat started arriving for the buffet lunch. Initially, Von and I had planned to excuse ourselves as soon as decently possible, but we enjoyed ourselves so much that we ended up staying until 5ish, it was that fun! We gossiped with Mrs Yeo about the hired help, Mr Yeo about the merits of joining the PAP, and looked through the wedding photos and video of ZQ and his wife with genuine interest. The Yeos are by far the most pleasant of rich people I've had the privilege of meeting.

初五 Jumped out of bed late at 0815hrs, again due to late night TV. The itinerary of the day was to help out at my uncle/auntie's stall at NIE, as their regular helper was still on vacation in her home country. I arrived at about 11am, and in all honesty helped out only for 3-4 hours max. That was enough for me to develop a massive backache from the dishwashing, and to realise how very blessed I am not to have to do this for a living. My respect for my uncle and auntie, already skyhigh, increased ten fold. The day ended unexpectedly early for me, with me dozing off at the aisle behind their stall the first chance I got. Weak!

初六 Started the day bright and early with 2 driving lessons at Ubi, greatly troubled by my slow progress. Maybe I should stop chatting the driving instructors up during the 100-min sessions, there must be better ways of brushing up my dating skills. After that, I made a mad dash to Bloodbank at SGH to try to make my first-ever apheresis donation, unfortunately rejected again due to low iron count. I hate it when good intentions are snubbed! I was due to meet DM and XM immediately after that, but I knew I was too disgruntled to be of good company, so I headed home to sleep off my ill humour. Not remotely refreshed after an hour's sleep, I headed out again to meet DM and XM for dinner before work. My mood vastly improved upon the sight of them, and it was another excellent girlie session at 店小二 with good food and lovely company. Can't wait for XM to be based permanently back in SIN again, so that we can do it more often. Then off to work. Pfftt.

初七 Dragged myself to Cong's new flat in Hougang after sleeping a mere few hours following my midnight shift, but boy was I glad I went. The 2A gang is keeping well; everybody is at least as full-figured, if not more so, as the last I saw of them during the National Day weekend last year. Cong and E prepared a steamboat feast for us, angpows too (which were accepted unabashedly). E's a veritable trove of household tips - I learnt heaps from her about renovation works, financial planning and other handy tricks. 偶像级的省钱王，我要向她看起! Entertainment came in the form of their $200 karaoke system, in addition to the Wii which has been a permanent fixture at the gatherings for as long as I can remember. Tommy and Choo were kind enough to oblige my Aaron Kwok's song requests, when they were not belting out 草蜢 hits. We ended the night with yusheng I supplied (prepared again by FF, I really really need to give him a big treat), with Choo getting so excited he stuck his hand together with his chopsticks into the yusheng platter and tossed the yusheng all over the table and floor. We all agreed we've never gotten so sesame-covered during a lo hei session.

Legend: FF = Fabulous Father. MM = Marvellous Mother. SS = Superb Sister. BB = Brilliant Brother.


Random:
Something that came up on a local variety show - 爱思球思米 美爱虾儿咖啡? = Excuse me, may I have a coffee?

球 and 虾 read in Hokkien for the above to make any sense at all.

In one of her entries, Belle said:

I am, as N has often pointed out, a stayer and not a goer. I stayed far beyond when anyone else would have walked, and I even felt bad for going.

We were together for years, and I miss him. No - I miss what he was. He changed when his job changed, became harder, shallower, more defined by what he was rather than who he was, more concerned with appearances rather than reality. I miss the man I fell in love with. It has been ages since that man existed, however, and being single has been a process of accepting that man is not going to come bounding up to my door one morning, wearing the sloppy red fleece I always teased him about, clutching a cheap bunch of flowers and laughing with happiness when our eyes meet. I waited such a long time to see him again, changed so much about myself and my life in the hope he might reappear. It simply was torture in the end to be with someone who physically resembled the man I loved but fundamentally wasn't him (sorry, but I hated the ending of the last Doctor Who series, could not have accepted a fake Doctor at Bad Wolf Bay).

There is a saying that all past is fiction, and because that man doesn't exist, I am free if I so choose to weave him into my writing, bring him back to life, make him my own again. But it's only words on a page, innit?

I'm tofu nowadays, just reading the passage above made me cry for ages. I guess I'm a stayer as well, even though hardly any of my friends think it's a positive attribute. I stay despite the words of my closest friends, in spite of the fact that its 7 years of youth, even though each friend's wedding twists a knife deeper into my heart, when I have to smile and congratulate them so that the bitterness won't show.

I don't miss what he was; he's right to say that he's stayed exactly how he was when I met him. More pathetically, I miss what I was. To punish him for not writing letters and cards back to me, I stopped my little notes to him, and occupy myself by writing to friends and family instead. I don't think he noticed, but I've always felt disappointed with myself for not being big-hearted enough to continue without demanding reciprocity. Because much of my bitterness is directed towards him, the cause of my singlehood, I no longer enjoy spending time with him. The effort it takes for me to not bring up the subject of marriage when we speak leaves me with little inclination to talk about anything else. I don't want to go to his house, not even to see my beloved Toby. Talking to his family requires me to employ all the patience and tact I possess, because I resent the fact that they do not pressure him into marrying me, as though they think I'm happy to hang around for the next 7 years without any obligation on their son's part. For fuck's sake, even whores are paid.

The relationship hasn't crumbled, it's just decayed beyond recognition. Or maybe it's just me, who have morphed into a bitch so embittered that I'm poisoning everything around me. All past is fiction, most of all the part of me who used to be happy loving him. I haven't been this desperately unhappy in a long time.

郭富城又回到新加坡开演唱会了!

怎么办，好想再看一次，虽然是同一场舞林正传演唱会.

但我们都答应了要等他回来，做人要守信.

挣扎 :(

why people (ok, men) like to say they want to spoon when they really only want to fork?

After re-reading this post, I examined my sad life and thought about what I have in common with my current bunch of co-workers

1) We are considered quite the freaks by friends, the willingness to do 24 by 7 rotating shift work. I have had more than a few friends commenting that I'm the only friend they know performing shift work (barring important people like doctors and nurses). Since Father has always done shiftwork, I guess I was more open to the idea of having to work odd hours, but I can't speak for the rest. Shall conduct a poll.

2) All of us lack bigger ambitions, or the skill set necessary to achieve the bigger ambitions. Customer service, seriously, is hardly a profession, train a monkey to talk and he can do customer service. A couple of us actually have accounting degrees, but refuse to join auditing firms and are therefore consigned to answering the phone until the next job comes along. Perhaps we're not confident enough of our capabilities, perhaps we need to dream bigger dreams.

I cannot think of a third point. Maybe it's the most obvious one, the fact that we're all on the lookout for a better job. Good luck to us all.

Insomniac, of all things. Have to resort to going through spam mail to while time away until my brain can catch up with my physical state of weariness.

I don't know which fengshui master to credit the below, so thank you very much sir/madam, aside from my frivolous comments in italics the copyrights belong solely to you.

The Dog
The Dog is wonderfully hard worker, a perfectionist and someone who loves the small details. He is also a bit anti-social, pessimistic and stubborn. -the anti-social part! That me's, the social-skill retard They are one of the most honest and loyal signs of the Chinese zodiac and will always go to bat for a worthy cause. The Dog is a fantastic listener and his advice is usually very intuitive. -what do you suppose intuitive advice is? I have no freaking clue

Forecast for 2010
The Year of the Tiger will be an excellent one for all Dogs with a significant improvement in fortune all year long. They must leave the past behind, for the Ox year was a challenging one, and look forward with optimism and determination. There will still be challenges this year for the Dog, as for all the signs, and it is important that he talk over any potential problems and worries rather than bottling them up. Socially, this is the Dog’s year to shine and many new strong friendships and alliances will be formed. -marriage, perhaps? The Year of the Tiger will see increased finances for the Dog with many receiving bonuses or even gifts throughout the year. -yay! Maybe can reduce loan amount for the flat significantly, the monthly interest comes up to an obsence figure However, it is important that he takes his time regarding financial matters, checking details and ensuring that he has read all the fine print. May to August will be very significant for single Dogs and all invitations should be carefully considered! September through November will have crucial career opportunities – don’t miss them! -hopefully sooner than that please, I really need a new job Recreational activities and hobbies will also feature strongly, with some able to turn their hobby into their career with great success. -a sign! Should seriously consider turning professional pole/lap dancer

Interesting Dog Facts:
Zodiac Stone: Diamond -like duh, I could have predicted that...1.2 carat colour D VVS1 please
Special Flower: Marigold
Best Hours of the day 7-9 pm -best for...?
Season: Autumn
Horoscope Colors: Silver and Red

I have an insurance policy with AIA; I bought almost 10 years ago now. An ex-colleague was leaving the company to "strike it out on his own" - in his words, and it was the age when helping friends out was paramount, never mind I hardly knew the guy (who isn't even cute to begin with). It's a endowment-life plan hybrid, and according to Spenz it incorporates all the disadvantages of both insurance classes. I'm paying almost $100 a month for a 20k coverage, pathetic I now know. But I was 19, and wanted to make the world a better place.

In a recent policy review, Spenz told me that I'm not making my money work for me. That yes, although I've spent the last 9 years paying almost 10k worth of premium and it'll be an outright loss of at least 3k if I surrender the policy now, I should seriously consider surrendering this policy so that I can channel the funds into more productive investments, insurance or otherwise. That I shouldn't be sentimental about all the money I will lose if I pull out now, because the earlier I pull out the earlier I can make my money work harder for me.

Strange how all the above points apply to Tan as well. Dude doesn't want to marry me just yet, because he is not ready/hasn't secured his career/hasn't got enough money. I'm only investing my most precious asset - my youth. He thinks his promise to marry me in the near future should be good enough for me, and our debate on what exactly constitutes 'near future' is tiresome enough for me to dismiss his promise as a junk bond. Identify, then cut losses.

If I can surrender the AIA policy, maybe I'd just be brave enough to set myself free.

"I just met ling. her budget for e wedding is 7k. I donate my bonus this yr, we get married next month? (still in time for tiger baby!)"

"!!"

"!! your head. i met wilson just now. he introduced his WIFE to me. lovely lady. I start booking liao ah. pan pac ok?"

"you say some more i go hk work for mac donaldson"

"Get married liao then go with my blessings. i'll bring up Edison Sia WR-jr well" (inside joke)

"...i go sleep liao"

Bored shitless during the weekend midnight shifts, yet unwilling to channel this time to productive activities like reading up on FX commentaries or looking for another job, I spend my time trawling the various blogspot and wordpress sites looking for worthy reads (xanga and livejournal deemed unsavoury reading material by Global Policy xxx).

In order of preference, I like to read:

1) Blogs of people I know, who aren't aware I read their blogs

Topping the list of course are blogs of people I know but dislike, whether or not they know I read their damn blogs. Still, I decided on the present categorization because I like even better the voyeuristic high I get from being privy to select information shared by bloggers with the world at large, but unbeknownst to them, also with me. Granted, the information can't possibly be too classified if it were meant for the world wide web, but the cyber stalker alterego is mightily pleased to be updated of important events, joyous celebrations and the occasional lover's tiff of said group of bloggers in the comfort of my home/office, without any expectation of a reaction on my part.

2) Celebrity blogs

To be more accurate, celebrity bloggers who bother with good English. I've been a long time fan of Xiaxue, and more recently Belle de Jour, the former London call girl recently outed after maintaining anonymity for 6 years. BdJ's English references are largely lost on me, but I appreciate her sound grammatical skills and liberal use of quaint English sayings. Am considering re-reading her blog again and taking notes on the phrases which I like, but never quite mastered the use of.

Link for keeps: BdJ's Jan 2007 posts. Excerpt:

It's as if we think that by having put marriage off until you're 30 all problems will magically be solved. But we are not making better, or even significantly different, choices from women in the previous generations who 'married too young', we are living out our youth without doing or learning anything and simply deferring bad choices to the point where biology demands a sperm donor so the baby madness takes over, and hang the consequences. Hey, I took a year off after Uni and went to Thailand, now I deserve some IVF!

3) Blogs of people I know, who are aware I read their blogs

Well, obviously I'm happy to keep tabs on the lives of dear (and not so dear) friends. Acceptance of proposals, announcements of new undertakings, births of cute nephews - I'm ever so grateful to blogsites for making it so easy to feel connected to old friends. That they are aware of this surveillance makes me just abit uneasy, because while I love to hear good news, I'm deathly afraid of reacting inappropriately to bad news shared. It's hard enough to try to get these things right in real life, but I positively suck when I have to decipher the nuances of an emotional post and respond accordingly.

4) Well-written blogs of regular people I chance upon

Few and far between. Aelgtoer being my absolute favourite at the moment.

5) Blog shops

Frittering time and money away in one fell swop. Do not!

5 short years after I left the call centre, I found myself on the other end of the phone line, asking for a waiver for a return GIRO charge of 10 freaking bucks. I remember a time when cash flow was less of a problem (simply because I had less cash to flow), when I was paid a paltry sum to seek waivers for late charges, interest charges and annual fees for callers who can well afford the penalties levied on their tardiness, I promised myself I'd never be one of those idiots who call at 4am to ask for a waiver. That I'll accept the charges gracefully if it were a genuine mistake on my part. Alas, my life has failed the dream I dreamed.

I finally caught Avatar on Wednesday, having read in the papers that its well on it's way to becoming the top grossing film of all time. CL told me it's the most expensive movie ever made, costing more than the epic Titanic, and that alone warranted a journey to the wilderness of Orchard Road so that I could experience firsthand the Real 3D that Shaw has been boasting about. The visual effects were indeed stunning, and I can only imagine what a painstaking effort it is to make the forest path light up only as Jake and gf trode on it, but I couldn't for the life of me understand what the big fuss over the movie is about. It's probably because I watched it way way too late, after I heard too many people gushing over it. Didn't stop me, though, from wishing that I had long hair so that I too had a pigtail that I could fuse with the bloody central air-conditioning to turn up the temperature slightly above freezing.

Planned my holidays early this year. Abu Dhabi in March, Thailand in April for Songkran (yay! Must remember to bring the super soakers), Yunnan with the clan in June, and then some more. How to save money at this rate, you tell me?

Can't get the font to show up in Georgia, pissed.

Goodbye 2009, and to the decade of naughties. Hail 2010, and the decade of...teenies?

2009 Recap
1) Completed 4 levels of pole dancing, level up in Jan 10. Whoopeedooo! Never thought I will be able to reach Pole 5, extremely proud of all the practice and effort taken to attend weekly classes given my rotating shift work. Greatly inspired by the Bobbi workshops I attended, will aspire to greater pole heights. Inverts, headstands, shoulder mount - bring 'em on, baby.

2) Queued 24hrs for the flat of my dream. The constant draughts in the night, the sweltering heat of the day and the crummy plastic chair all seem like a distant memory now, though it will be awhile before I forget how elated Tan was.

3) Slogged the entire year away uneventfully, yet just had to end the year with a bang. Tan chided "You think you're in your primary school playground ah, everything must be fair?" Should have asked for more opinions before my righteous outburst. Alas.

4) Visited Japan for the first time in my life, and could not bring myself to fall in love with the place like everyone else. Crazy expensive shopping, pervertic men, food too exotic for my taste and weather too cold for my comfort - thank god for the fabulous company of the Prawn clan.

5) Attended many weddings and assisted at 2 as jiemeis. Not for the faint-hearted! Very happy for all my wed friends, all my soon-to-be wed friends, and everyone else planning to be wed. That covers just about everybody I know, with one exception of course. Enchantément.

6) Watched a record number of concerts in a year. I saw Aaron Kwok perform live for the first time, and attended 2 frenzy-inducing Mayday concerts. Although I wasn't able to catch Ladysmith Black Mambazo's performance in Singapore, I'm glad I caught Budak Pantai's "Happy Songs for a Great Ressession".

7) Signed on way too many credit cards. Card cancellations already in progress, aiming to have a maximum of 2 cards per bank.

8) Spent too much money. Savings not growing as planned, an appalling lack of self-restraint. Barely have enough savings to get by for rainy days, let alone for renovation fund, wedding fund, baby fund. Disgraceful.

9) Bought and sold OCBC at a profit of SGD 13. Just had to record it for posterity.

New Year Resolutions
1) Learn to drive

2) Drink less bubble tea (limit to once a week) and eat less LJS (limit to once a month)

3) Practise on the pole at home for at least 1 hour each week

4) Swim at least twice a month and jog once a month

5) Stick to saving plan

6) Write cards to friends regularly

7) Get a new job

8) Visit Taiwan with Von

9) Get married, damnit