aDrenais' Book of Shadows

I just completed my first and last rechecks with Gulf Air, a veritable waste of time because my last duty day is in 4 days' time on 9 June. This means I spent 4 days in Training School so that I can fly an additional 4 measly days for Gulf Air. To think I went to such great lengths to try save them some money by trying to opt out of the rechecks...Anyway, on 9 June I'll have flown for exactly one year. On 9 June 2006, I flew for the first time to Athens (GF 041) as crew, and I can still remember the taste of the bile in my throat as I became sick with apprehension the night before.

Looking back at this last year, I realised I lost interest in Gulf Air and grew sloppy pretty much like in all my previous jobs. Whether it was a frontline job like meeting clients when managing their events or a backend one like answering calls for DBS without ever meeting a single customer, invariably I gave up on the makeup and dressing up halfway through the duration of the employment. Of course this is not totally possible with Gulf Air, but in recent months I've been skimping on the makeup routine so much that I can get ready for a flight in 15 minutes flat, inclusive of nail polish (clear). Besides the fact that this 'can't-be-bothered' attitude reeks of unprofessionalism, at a fundamental level it points to a person who does not take pride in oneself.

My problem is, I cannot sustain interest in myself long enough to look good all the time. There are so many girls who are of the opinion that applying makeup before heading out (to anywhere) is merely good manners, and a courtesy nod to whomever you'd meet that day. I used to think that it was bollocks, but as I grow older and start to realise I look exceedingly like a hag without makeup, I have no choice but to agree. Having stated that, I'm ashamed to say these thoughts remain just as they are: thoughts, and instead of acting on them I constantly make excuses for my sorry behaviour. For example, I stopped wearing contact lenses onboard for about 6 months now, and to appear witty I tell everybody Gulf Air pays me too little to look chio. Obviously what I'm paid is besides the point, and if I'm really as narcissistic as I claim to be then I'd make greater effort in maintaining my image.

But! I'm sorry for falling to old habits, but I'm afraid I have to attribute this lack of concern for cosmetic appearances to Mother. Of course she was merely the influence; I have the honour of choosing to allow it to permeate my adult life. Mother was never the vain sort, and although she enjoys dressing up for events, these are rare occurences. There are maybe 5 times in a year she puts on makeup (other than for work), and dressy clothes were reserved for the poshest of occasions. She's never wore contact lenses other than for her wedding, nor has she ever coloured her hair. My mummy is the original Amish, and I love her to bits.

I guess it's also to do with the company I keep, and the lifestyle I choose. If I'm still hanging out as often with my Initial Training girls as before, undoubtedly I'd be spending much more time on dolling myself up and going out to party. But I'd still not be able to cook, I'd be busting my meagre salary on clubbing, taxi fares and booze - I'd be able to do up my eyes in a jiffy, but I'd not have grown in ways that matter.

Whatever the cause of my tardiness, I've resolved (as of today) to take greater care in maintaining my appearance. This includes trying to put makeup to make myself look presentable, to get used to wearing lenses since Etihad does not encourage the use of glasses onboard, and to stop trying to get ready to go out in 5 mins or less. It'd be a refreshing change to stop trying to fade into the background or cringe with embarassment whenever somebody stops to talk to me on the streets while I'm in my drab tshirt and crinkled pants.