aDrenais' Book of Shadows

The cranky Internet connection in my building ensured that I took 3 hours to connect to the 'Create Post' page in blogger. I'm sure the whole bullshit about 'Blogger: Switching to the new Blogger' had something to do with it as well, but I'm not going to waste anymore time speculating the endless possibilities of this shitty situation.

After all, I logged onto Blogger with a mission: to describe my envisioned funeral.

Inspiration hit me as I was in the shower the last time I was in Singapore. I badly wanted to share it with somebody, but it is such a morbid topic that I couldn't bring myself to spoil the festive cheer. Since then, I have mulled over my idea of a perfect funeral (I have trouble getting things out of my head if I don't thrash it out), and after much refinement, I present "The Green Bottle Event" (aka Serena's funeral).

It will be a memorial, rather than an incense-burning affair where people stream in and out throughout the day. This will render it unnecessary for my family members to hang around the whole day waiting for people to offer incense in a rite that benefits neither the dead nor the living. Since the intention is for people to gather at a specific time, it will have to be held over the weekend (or public holiday, haha). I don't really care where, although I suppose everybody knows where Zouk is? I'm talking about the ballroom of Grand Copthorne, doofus. Anyway, that's the time and venue sorted out.

Everybody will be in black of course, but ideally they would have been informed to include green in their outfits. Whether it is screaming lime green, turquoise or sedate olive green, it doesn't really matter. It can be a scarf, emerald earrings, sunglasses, camouflage cargopants, a gold belt that's bordering on green - you get the idea. I was just pondering the logistics of how this message is going to get around. I can just see a friend receiving this text message: "Serena died. Memorial at xx on xx, xa.m. Wear GREEN." I must remember to inform my family of any brilliant ideas I get between now to my death on get around this particular pothole.

Now, where does the bottle part come in? At the entrance of the event, there will be a number of green bottles set on a table. The green bottles will most likely be Heineken bottles from home, God knows I buy enough of them for my sister everytime I return to Singapore. There'll be a sign over the bottles, indicating "Please take one if you would like to take to the stage to share Serena's role in your life". I know there're 10 green bottles in the children song, but I like to think that I had made a difference in the lives of more than 10 friends/family members, therefore as of now the number of bottles is limited to how many my sister can bring from home :)

At the appointed time, my family members will take the stage and welcome everybody for attending the memorial. Jay Chou's '黑色幽默' (Hoho) would have been on loop in the background, getting on the nerves of 70% of my friends who don't like Jay Chou. After the piece by my family, Jay Chou will fade out, and Dad will start by sharing what a trial I've been to him, and proceed to hang his green bottle on the wall after his speech. When everybody's said their piece and hung their bottles, a recording of the last verse of "10 Green Bottles" will play:

"1 green bottle, hanging on the wall
1 green bottle, hanging on the wall
If 1 green bottle, should accidentally fall
There'd be no green bottles, hanging on the wall"

I greatly favour rigging the bottles so that they all fall in an almighty crash at the end of the song, but I suspect that will not go down too well with whoever's left to clean up, so I think the next best thing is to symbolically remove each of the bottles by the end of the song, and lay them in the casket with me for the cremation.

Elgin, if he's around at that time, will be forced (I don't know who will do the forcing when I'm not around, but if I have to possess someone to get job done, I'm sure it can be arranged :D) to sing Jay Chou's '轨迹' or '借口'as a finale. For the record, Elgin doesn't think much of Jay Chou, calling him the Great Mumbler. He doesn't like green much either, which is why he will be dressed in a green suit singing a Jay Chou song in a final goodbye to me. How romantic @_@

轨迹
作词:黄俊郎
作曲:周杰伦
编曲:钟与民

怎么隐藏 我的悲伤 失去你的地方
你的发香 散的匆忙 我已经跟不上
闭上眼睛 还能看见 你离去的痕迹
在月光下 一直找寻 那想念的身影

如果说分手是痛苦的起点 那在终点之前我愿意再爱一遍
想要对你说的不敢说的爱 会不会有人可以明白

我会发着呆 然后忘记你
接着紧紧闭上眼 想着那一天会有人代替
让我不再想念你

我会发着呆 然后微微笑
接着紧紧闭上眼 回想那一年你温柔的脸
在我忘记之前

心里的眼泪 模糊了视线 你会看不见

借口
词 曲 编:周杰伦

翻着我们的照片想念若隐若现
去年的冬天我们笑得很甜
看着你哭泣的脸对着我说再见
来不及听见你已走得很远

也许你已经放弃我 也许已经很难回头
我知道是自己错过 请再给我一个理由说你不爱我

就算是我不懂 能不能原谅我
请不要把分手当作你的请求
我知道坚持要走 是你受伤的藉口
请你回头 我会陪你 一直走到最后

就算没有结果 我也能够承受
我知道你的痛是我给的承诺
你说给过我纵容 沉默是因为包容
如果要走请你记得我

如果难过请你忘了我

His Mandarin is the worst, I hope somebody will have pity on him and tell him what the songs mean.